You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
