i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
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