Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
