we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
