we have officially lost it.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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