I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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