wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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