I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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