Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
