we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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