i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
