I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
