we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
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