Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
