Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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