You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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