you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
