You really coming over, don't trick.
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
