so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Did you pee in the oven last night??
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I have post one night stand depression
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