I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
