that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
