ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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