I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
