So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
