In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I party with great urgency now.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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