dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
