Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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