I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
