im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
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