On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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