i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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