Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
