I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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