She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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