Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
