Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she pinky promised me she was 18
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
