Do you still have your period?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
