it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
COCAINE IS GR8
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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