So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
