I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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