I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Im just a social blackout drinker.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
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