he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
