i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
