Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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