why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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