My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
