Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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