glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
