flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
