I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize