He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
