he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
