ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
