Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
