I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
