I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Terrible idea I love it
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
