if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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