I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
