Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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