Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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