Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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