would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
