i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
