i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
