i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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