So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
