Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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