i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
we made out on top of his cat.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
