drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
