We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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