You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
