I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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