why didn't you poke me back
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
