Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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