ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
