I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
