im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
