Having a random hookup so left but love u
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
