Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
