what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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