I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize